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| Outside Cover of Camila's Funeral Program |
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| Inside of Camila's Funeral Program |
On November 19, 2022 we buried Camila. This was the culmination of three very busy weeks. Let me work backwards.
The funeral went as well as I could have expected. I spent many hours pondering and worrying about what to say. In fact, I have been thinking about this moment for years. However, just a week ago, I needed some help from the Lord to prioritize my thoughts. As I pondered and prayed, the Lord started pouring out ideas into my mind. I finished my prayer and at 1:00 in the morning and began writing the impressions that I was receiving. After filling two pages of notes, I returned to pray, to thank my Heavenly Father for his guidance and inspiration. He then gave me more impressions and I returned and wrote another page of notes. The following week, I worked on every word of this talk in great detail, eliminating anything that could offend anyone or distract from the main message. After a solid week of editing, the day of the funeral arrived. Let me back up and start from the beginning.
On October 27, 2022 Debbie had a full day surgery to remove excess skin on her body due to the considerable weight loss that she has achieved over the past several years. This was an elective surgery that we were able to do because of money that became available when Jamie refinanced the house that we had sold to her 7 years ago. The surgery was successful but the recovery has been extensive. I became a full-time care giver in the early days of Debbie’s recovery and have been kept very busy since.
On November 2 I received a phone call from the care center telling us that Camila had COVID again and that her breathing was difficult. An hour later I talked to the director of nursing who told us that they recommended that they follow the “Do not resuscitate" guidelines in her possible recovery, just giving her pain and comfort management. By November 4, we received a call that they thought she was transitioning. We put our family members on alert for a probable upcoming funeral. Earlier that day I was able to schedule a FaceTime call to Camila to see her, since I couldn’t risk being exposed to COVID while I was caring for Debbie. Gina and Pollyanna joined with me in this FaceTime call. Camila was awake and reasonably alert and appeared to be fairly normal for her condition.
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| Facetime call with Camila a week before she passed away |
Over the next several days we kept calling to see her status and she seemed to be getting a little stronger. However, she was eating and drinking very little which was indicative of end of life conditions. On the morning of November 11, I called the care center and they told me that she was not doing well and it would be good to say our good byes. I felt the need to go see her personally. Debbie was doing better and I felt that I could be safe enough to see Camila. In the two days previous Abraham and Ammon had visited Camila. Moroni was also going to visit her that morning. While I was on my way, Moroni called me and said that Camila didn’t look good at all. When I arrived, Moroni waited in the hall. I had arranged to include Melanie, Gina and Pollyanna on a FaceTime call during my visit.
When I arrived Camila was sleeping with difficult breathing. I put my hands on her head and gave her a blessing of release so that she could leave this life. When I got Melanie on the phone Camila continued in that state. Gina and Pollyanna were both dropping off children to school so after a few minutes Melanie hung up. The I got Pollyanna on the phone and Camila opened her eyes and started to take large breaths with her mouth wide open. After about 3 or 4 of these breaths she returned to her sleeping state. Then Gina joined us and we talked and watched Camila. I wasn’t sure if she was still breathing. I was unable to get her pulse. I asked the nurse to come in and she could not find a heart beat. I was privileged to be with her while she took her last breath while her two sisters were watching on. It was peaceful and special, an answer to our prayers. This was the first time in my life that I have been with someone when they took their last breath. The room was full of the spirit of love and peace.
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| Camila, sleeping when I arrived |
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| Still sleeping during the visit with Melanie |
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| Larger gasps when Pollyanna was on with her eyes open |
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| Taking her last breath with her two younger sisters |
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| Peacefully at rest - back home at last |
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| Andrea, her faithful nurse for 7 years was with her on her last day |
As we talked to the nurse, Andrea, who had cared for her over the past 7 years, Moroni came back into the room and we said our good-byes. I gave Andrea the number for the mortuary for them to call after an official diagnosis of death. Then Moroni and I left the care center. As I sat in my car making some phone calls, Beth arrived to visit. We had a nice conversation and she was able to go in and see Camila one last time.
Since then I spent a lot of time making arrangements for burial, funeral, viewing, etc. I felt pretty much on my own, but involved her siblings as much as possible. I wrote my first draft of her obituary, which I had already started a few days before. I then sent it out to several of her siblings who made corrections and shortened it appropriately. Gina became the official author of the final obituary which we were able to have posted by the next day so that communications could be made to all. I was able to talk personally with Caren right after her death and she agreed to communicate the passing with the three children that were living with her. Caide’s cousin and grandmother were able to contact him the following day. He is currently in a drug treatment program. I met with the mortuary later that same day. Our new bishop who had been sustained five days earlier came to our home to talk through funeral arrangements.
We had planned to hold the funeral at the mortuary since Camila did not have a home ward that she had been able to attend. Unfortunately, the funeral home was already scheduled for the following Saturday which was our choice of a funeral date. The bishop agreed to hold the funeral in our ward meetinghouse and he would conduct his first funeral as a bishop. After our first conversation, the bishop got back to us and advised us that the ward could not provide lunch, since Camila was not a member of his ward. We understood, but added one more item to care for on my list.
I had several photos of Camila and asked Gina to prioritize those to be used in the video tribute. Gina had the photo that we used for the cover of the program and on the obituary. It was a beautiful photo of her when she was newly married, still full of life and abilities.
For the funeral, I had decided that I just wanted a time for children or siblings to share memories of Camila in an informal way and then I would speak. Gina asked if she could speak. We decided that she would give the Life Sketch and add her own special insights. Later in the week, Pollyanna agreed to present this jointly with Gina, which turned out wonderfully. It was the right way to start the funeral. I thought that we should have a musical number and felt prompted to ask our granddaughter, McKenzie, to sing. She accepted and did a beautiful job singing “Peace in Christ”. Beth was going to share her memories in the general sharing time. However, we decided to get her name on the program officially and differentiate it from the other sharing of memories. We ended up asking her to give a mother’s tribute right after the life sketch. Each part of the funeral ended up wonderful. Several shared their memories, including Cherish, assisted by Caide, Debbie, Melanie, Beckie, Ben and Moroni. The timing was going well and then I got up and announced that if there weren’t any others we wold move onto McKenzie’s song. Then someone who had come into the back of the chapel came up. Only when he got to the podium did I recognize that it was Abraham. Abe spent over 10 minutes bearing his soul with his love for his sister and the experiences that they had together. As the time was passing, I stood next to Abe with my arm around him as he finished his thoughts. McKenzie’s song brought so much peace to me personally. I didn’t start by talk until 10 minutes before the hour but I was able to complete it shortly after noon. I was able to skip some of the items that had been covered in earlier thoughts. I felt the power of the Holy Ghost to share what I wanted to share as dictated to me in my prayer a week previous. Our new bishop gave a short message and we completed the services by 12:10 pm. After Abe finished his memories, both Ben and Moroni got up and gave him big hugs while the song was being performed. Abe has been largely absent from family functions for many years. I believe that this was a time of healing for many, especially for Abe.
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| Gina and Pollyanna sharing the Life Sketch with their special memories |
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| Mother's tribute by her mother, Beth |
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| Camila's youngest daughter, Cherish, sharing her love for her mother, assisted by her older brother, Caide |
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| Debbie sharing her thoughts, her first time in the Church since her operation |
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| Ben sharing his memories of his special sister |
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| Abraham talking about his little sister with love |
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| With Abe at the end of his thoughts |
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| McKenzie singing "Peace in Christ" |
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| Sharing my thoughts at the end of the funeral |
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| Concluding remarks by our new bishop, his first funeral |
I had offered Ben the opportunity to give an opening, closing or family prayer, since he was the closest in age and friendship with Camila when they were growing up. Having never done anything like this before, he chose to do the family prayer and did an amazing job, full of sincerity and tribute to Camila. I was so proud of him. He also shared some of his experiences during the sharing time. We had other sisters giving prayers, Melanie and Beckie. Kari led the music. All the brothers and sons were listed as pall bearers and the two daughters wanted also to join with the pall bearers, holding onto the end of the casket. Only three of our children were not able to come. Ammon was planning on coming but was ill, Lamoni had Covid but appeared at the cemetery at a distance with a mask. Nilza and River did not come. Giovanna also came and showed her support for us.
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| Ben, offering the family prayer before closing the casket |
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| Last respects by her children |
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| Last respects by sisters |
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| The processional gathering in the chapel for the funeral |
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| Pallbearers at the Church |
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| Pallbearers at the cemetery |
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| Pallbearers work completed |
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| Putting roses on the casket. Roses were provided by Moroni. |
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| Little Emily putting a flower on the casket |
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| Abe with his niece and nephew that he had not seen in the past seven years |
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| Debbie and I in front of the casket of our daughter |
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| Four children in front of the casket of their mother |
The day before we had a private family viewing for one hour. Camila’s four children came to this and it was a perfect situation. They spent most of the time at the casket, leaving presents and notes. They also left a jar of ashes from their father in the casket with Camila to be buried with her. Our plan is to have a head stone with both of their names on the grave that we had purchased next to our plots in the South Jordan Cemetery. On that afternoon it felt heavenly. Four children, now orphaned who had so many emotions, were able to say their farewells to their mother in a fairly private setting. Debbie and I, Beth and some siblings, Sam, Jacob, Melanie, Gina and Pollyanna were also able to be there along with their aunt Caren and cousin Kyhlee. I went home that evening so very happy to see this super positive experience between the children and their mother. The mortuary did an exceptional job of making Camila look prettier than she had been for many years. It added to the joy of the moment. I had given the mortuary the photo on the obituary as their model, even though her hair was now short. They straightened her hair, which was how she wore it as a mother most of the time.
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| Camila looked so peaceful with her hair beautifully styled and in the dress provided by her mother |
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| Camila's four children at the private viewing |
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| Filling her casket with gifts and letters from her children, including a bottle of the ashes of their father |
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| Others at the private viewing |
At the public viewing on Saturday morning, we saw many members of our ward and our previous ward who knew Camila as a teenager. We were also pleased so see others from Camila's past and Deb Montag from the care center. She had been her nurse for all of the time that she was in the care center. At the funeral we noticed another young woman that we did not recognize. Afterwards we discovered that is was Andrea, the nurse who attended her personally for most of the past seven years. The love of these two for Camila touched me deeply. We also had her teenage best friend, Jenny Rowzee, come. Cherish’s previous guardian, Jamie, came with her mother. Involvement and kindness of all was wonderful.
Since we were responsible for the lunch, our daughter-in-law, Amy, arranged for food to be prepared.. We picked it up on Friday and left it in the church overnight. The next morning when we arrived at the chapel, Mary Clark, the chairperson of our ward Funeral Committee had already begun organizing the entire luncheon. She spent the whole day and took so much pressure off of us. She was and is angelic, full of love and kindness. We had also asked a ward member that we love, Leisel McBride, to play the organ and accompany McKenzie. She came early to practice. Melanie and Gina flew in for the funeral on Thursday and Friday and were a great help. Melanie organized all of the memorabilia and put it on the table. Pollyanna came early also and helped Melanie and Gina in putting it together. Since Camila’s children had spent the time with their mother the day before, they focused on the memorabilia table and were able to see their mother in a way that they had never understood previously. Jacob took the responsibility to care for his mother and bring her and take her home which was also a great service. I tried to delegate most things. However when I met with the mortuary, I had to make a decision on flowers on my own. After a phone call consultation with my wife, I chose the flowers for the funeral. They were pink, which was Camila’s favorite color and matched the pink inside of her coffin. They ended up beautiful and we received positive comments from many.
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| Memorabilia organized by Melanie |
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| All ready for visitation, memorabilia and the video tribute |
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| Many visiting in the foyer near the memorabilia |
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| Photo of Camila's four children in the foyer |
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| Luncheon afterwards at the Church |
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| Plenty of food for all and leftovers |
As always, our ward sent many cards and extended unending condolences. One that touched me strongly was from our stake president and his wife. I believe that he is the one that told the bishop that the ward should not provide a lunch for others outside of the ward to avoid setting a precedent that could and should not be set. In his note of condolence, he included some money to help pay for the lunch that we provided. He understood an important principle but included with it the principle of love and desire to help. What an incredible example to me. We love him and his sweet wife that happens to be a second cousin twice removed.
The night after Camila died, her cousin from Brazil contacted me via Messenger. We ended up texting back and forth for quite a while. I learned a lot more about her family history. During this interchange I also received a copy of the birth certificate and death certificate of Camila’s biological mother. This gave me important information so that we can move forward doing temple work for Camila’s mother and grandmother. I did learn that each of the three generations before her were single moms who were too sick to raise their daughters. In each case the direct ancestor was raised by an uncle or aunt. What a difficult family history as far as health. This terrible disease has disrupted so much in her life and the life of her ancestors. This additional understanding gave me much more appreciation and empathy for Camila and her difficult past. At least we can do temple work for these great ladies who have gone before.
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| Birth Certificate of her mother with her grandmother's name also |
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| Her mother's death certificate |
In something as difficult as this, there were angels all over helping and doing things much better than I could have ever done. I know that the blessings of our Heavenly Father were present with us. I didn’t know what to expect on this day, but all things exceeded my expectations. God is good. Our family is awesome. Diverse, but awesome.
The following is a copy of the talk as of my last edit. The message that I shared stayed very close to this talk:
Written talk for Camila’s Funeral:
Some poignant memories of Camila’s words:
- “One day on my life, I met a family and all that I wanted is someone who would love me and when I got you, you were the one that would show me that love . . . I make lots and lots of mistakes but a mistake that I will never do is lose a family. . . I love you always, Camila Rueckert” (From a note that we found in English after one year in the U.S. - 14 years old)
- In Family Home Evenings - “When I couldn’t find my cat, I prayed and God answered my prayer and I found my cat.” (Trusted God)
- When her mother and I told her we would be getting divorced, “I thought that we were a forever family”. (Believed that families could be together forever)
- KIDS (her most consistent word used wile in the care center, she love her children)
Camila was an innocent child, who wanted to believe all that we were trying to offer her as her parents. She was doing the very best that she could. She naturally had the light of Jesus Christ and a desire to turn to Him.
Camila had a tough beginning in life. Her single mother got sick and she was placed in an orphanage where she was abused. After she finally got the family that she wanted so much, her parents were divorced. She kept dreaming and striving for the best in her life. She still wanted her own “forever family”
She fell in love with Eddie and they got married. They were very young and they each had tough beginnings but were full of hope and dreams. They were blessed with four beautiful kids. I remember visiting them when they had 3 children in diapers. It took all of their efforts to care for these children. Then life got tougher still. They struggled financially and moved over and over again. Some here today, helped them out with living accommodations (Chris and Caren & Abraham). During this time, Camila started to decline in her physical and mental health as her genetical illness started to take its toll. None of us understood what was happening, not even Eddie and Camila. They were doing the best that they could, but it wasn’t enough. This was a very tough time for their family. And then Eddie died.
At that time, Caren stepped up and gave a home with consistency to Camila’s children that they had never enjoyed before. Beth accepted the role to provide the care that Camila needed through a placement in a care center. These two are absolute heroes in this story. But Camila did not recuperate, she kept declining.
Finally, four years ago, through miraculous events, we learned more about her biological family. With the help of that information, Camila was eventually diagnosed with the rare disease that eventually took her life, a disease that attacked her body and mind over the past 14 years.
For me, at this time, I finally began to understand what had been happening. The following comes from my personal journals.
2018 - “I took Camila in to receive a blood test to check if she has Huntington's Disease. They spent a lot of time discussing the possibilities and impact of this disease. We have received word that her mother suffered in a similar way.
As I listened and pondered and then saw Camila submit to a blood test without any complaint, my heart was full of love for this special daughter of mine. I was blessed to see her as God sees her, a daughter of God that came to this world with so many strikes against her. I had a complete paradigm shift. I just want to find ways to make her happy and to smile.
I have spent too much time trying to identify cause and in so doing I have tried to assess blame, including on myself. All this went away during this special day. My heart was touched by my Heavenly Father's perspective of Camila.”
This experience repeated itself six months later when the actual discovery and diagnosis of her disease, HDL2 was made. Again, from my journal:
“In retrospect we have been able to see how this illness had been attacking Camila for many years. Where many, including us, were too quick to blame others or circumstances, we now understand what was going on. It has also given me an amazing feeling of love for this special girl who has had so many challenges in her life.”
In each of these moments I was blessed to be able to stop blaming others and myself for Camila’s condition.
I want to address this issue of blaming. Over the years, I have heard many being critical of Eddie or of Camila or of those who tried to care and help them or those who could have done more. Many have of us have blamed ourselves for not doing more to help. In reality we have all made mistakes but I believe that we were all trying to do the best that we could without really understanding the circumstances. I believe that this is a time to heal and highly recommend that we all stop blaming others. It does no good and brings no positive results.
When difficult things occur in our lives we have two choices, to be bitter or to be better. To turn away from God or to turn to Him who offers Grace to lighten our burden.
I believe that Eddie and Camila would not want any relationships be damaged over their difficulties. I believe that their innocence and hope with which they began their lives together was real, a sign of their true intentions.
Why did this happen? For Camila, Eddie and their children? As we have shared today, Camila did much good and impacted the lives of others in a very positive way. Camila came down to this earth under very difficult circumstances and did the best that she could. She did obtain a body, even if it was plagued with illness. That is part of our eternal plan. Even knowing all of this, I would say that there is much that we don’t know. Much that I don’t know.
Recently I read this short quote which spoke to my soul as truth:
Faith is believing that although we do not understand all things, He does.
Faith is knowing that although our power is limited, His is not.
Faith in Jesus Christ consists of complete reliance on Him.
- Dennis E. Simmons
Let me tell you what I do know!
I bear my solemn witness to you of three truths:
Truth #1 - God, our Heavenly Father knows all things. He has all power. He possesses all love.
He does have all power but chooses to use it for our eternal good while respecting our agency and conditions of mortality. His plan for Camila and her family goes way beyond our understanding.
God knows all things about Camila’s past, her health and her eternal future and He loves her completely.
Isaiah 55:8 For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord. 9 For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.
This is powerful verse that I have learned since my youth. However, recently I learned additional power to these verses when I read the preceding verse:
7 Let the wicked forsake his way, and the unrighteous man his thoughts: and let him return unto the Lord, and he will have mercy upon him; and to our God, for he will abundantly pardon.
In this verse, we see an example of what are His higher thoughts. One is the thought of forgiveness to all, even those who have been wicked or unrighteous. That is something that we mortals are generally not willing to consider. However, notice the condition, “let him return unto the Lord”. This leads to . . .
Truth #2 - We must Turn unto Jesus Christ our Redeemer and learn to Trust in the Lord.
His pardon, His mercy is only awaiting our turning unto Him. Wherever we are in this life, turn a little bit closer to Jesus Christ and you will feel increasing light and joy in your life. He has his arms extended and is ready to welcome and embrace each of us.
Camila’s natural disposition was to trust and to turn to Jesus Christ. I believe that within her limited capabilities, she clearly fulfilled this requirement.
Proverbs 3:5 Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. 6 In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct they paths.
This leads to . . .
Truth #3 - He will bless you in greater ways than you can imagine for His Grace is sufficient
He has suffered for our pains and afflictions as well as for our sins. He will compensate us for those things that appear unfair in this life. I know that He is already embracing Camila. She is perfectly fine at this moment. She will be resurrected with a perfect body and mind because of Him. When we do the best we can, His grace is sufficient for all of us.
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| Awakening from anesthesia after more than 7 hours of surgery |
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| Covered with bandages and drains for excess fluid to drain out from under her repaired skin. We spent two weeks emptying and caring for these drains and three weeks before all the bandages were able to come off. |
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| Looking a lot better four weeks later on Thanksgiving Day. Still weak and fatigued and sore. |
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| Space for 16 in our dining area |
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| The first 14 in this group photo |
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| Four more for dinner |
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| And then three more |
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| Eating in our new dining arrangement |
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| Plenty of food on the counter |
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| And pies for all, including those that came later |
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| Nick and McKenzie making Thanksgiving favors |
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| Table settings and the favor furnished by Beckie |
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| Joshua with his props, including a cane that belonged to his great grandmother |
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| Jasper as one of the poor children |
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| Natalia turning 15 |
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| McKenzie turning 15 |
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| Joseph turning 18 |
