On September 5, 2023 we visited Debbie's cardiologist. She received the results of her recent electrocardiogram which exceeded our expectations. We were overjoyed that her pumping % was now at 45% which is just a little under the normal range. This change in her heart function seemed to set the tone for the next 2 months. Since then we have seen many changes to our hearts aided by our Heavenly Father. As a result we have submitted missionary papers to serve a full-time mission.
During these past two months we have also had several family activities that amazingly included just about all of our posterity. This includes our annual family reunion at the Heber Valley Girls camp cabins, a major birthday party for Ammon's son, Tommy Picasso-Rueckert, our annual family Halloween party and other assorted events. We also received a notification of another grandchild on the way.
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| Our missionary application photo and one with Ammon and his son at Tommy's 5th birthday party |
Debbie's Improving heart funcition:
Let me start with the changes of hearts. On September 5, 2023, the day after we posted our last blog, we visited Debbie's cardiologist, to see the results of her recent electrocardiograph. As we got to the cardiology visit, the doctor told us that Debbie’s score on her heart pumping efficiency was 45%. Wow! This is compared to 20% in January. We had both independently hoped to see something around 35%. This is still less than normal, she would have to be at least 50% to be in the lower normal range, but it was a very good response. Debbie will have another electrocardiogram in 3 months to see if the current level of medication will continue to help her progress. Then Debbie asked the cardiologist about her fatigue. She was told that she currently has no restriction because of her heart. The doctor explained that Debbie’s body had gotten deconditioned because of her heart failure. Now she needs to start pushing harder to get her strength back. We left the visit very happy with the results and the direction that we are going.
Another mission and the changes of hearts:
Debbie's improving heart function has been a major factor in discussions about our serving a full-time mission. I think it is best to share this with excerpts from several of my journal entries from May 2023 until this last week:
May 14, 2023
As I offered a “What Lack I Yet?” prayer, my mind went to my last answer last year, to “expect miracles”. As I pondered the miracles that I wanted or needed, my thoughts went to . . . my continuing desire to serve another full-time mission, if the Lord desires that for us . . . For a mission I promised to wait until Debbie has a positive result with her heart. If the doctors would allow her to serve, I felt that we should submit papers for a short-term mission to the Palmyra Temple or whatever the Lord would see fit to call us to do. Otherwise, we could continue to serve in our stay-at-home mission.
September 10, 2023:
Since May, I sat on the idea of a mission call with Debbie for a little while. In our discussion of the Come Follow Me lesson “Not My Will but Thine be Done” on June 19, I mentioned my impressions of May 14 and asked Debbie if she was willing to still consider the option of serving a mission in 2024 and left this thought with her. In early July, I asked her what her thoughts were, since I knew that she was struggling with this idea, primarily because of her health. However, I knew that she was not so set on going on another mission as I was. When I asked her, she matter of factly said, “I am willing to go, if that is what the Lord wants. I prayed about it and knew that I had covenanted to consecrate my life to the Lord and if that was the case, I should go if that is the will of the Lord.” For these few months, this thought had been in my mind. If God wants us to go, he will reveal this to Debbie. I did not want this to be a “Tom decision”. After her comments we called the Browns, our friends who had served in Palmyra the previous year and learned from their experiences. The ball was beginning to roll. We also sent an email to the temple president, sharing our desires. He told us to go ahead and submit our papers with this request and see what happens.
Debbie’s progress in her health failure treatment has gone slower than expected, as they have slowed down the increases in medication that they wanted to do before doing another electrocardiogram. We had hoped that this would occur by July. However, they were still changing medications as her blood tests gave less than favorable results from the most recent medications. Finally, in our August visit they decided to move forward with the electrocardiogram and see the results with the current level of medications. This by itself was a miracle and we scheduled the electrocardiogram for August 30. Debbie had a Dental exam scheduled for August 8 so we thought we should get the missionary exam papers completed. We found that to print these papers, we had to initiate our missionary papers, including the communication to our bishop. This we did on August 6. Bishop Smith was super supportive and asked if the ward could use accumulated missionary funds to help support us. We went ahead and got started. Then we went to Texas to tend Gina’s kids, came home as Elder Joseph Digerness spoke and was set apart as a missionary and then he served in our home for his Home MTC experience. In this process, Debbie’s brother, Doug died and we tended Serenity for three days while her parents got away. During these two weeks, we did nothing more with the mission call. Finally, the day after the funeral, Debbie had her electrocardiogram, but we would not know the results until the following Tuesday, September 5. On Sunday, September 3, I included our mission call as part of my fast. I suggested that we begin completing the other portions of the application. As we got to the part about our desire to serve in Palmyra or another call, Debbie got very emotional. She has still felt exhausted often, especially during the past few weeks of intense activity. Certainly, for her this is a big sacrifice of her will for the will of the Lord. I kept praying for positive answers from our cardiology visit on Tuesday. I had felt since May, that this was in the Lord’s hand and asked for clear direction for both of us in the mission process. (see comments about the result of the visit above).
I felt that not only the results but also the openness and direction from the doctor were answers to my prayers. This is obviously still in the hand of the Lord, but we are united in the next steps. That afternoon, I had my dental exam and had my dental papers signed. We will meet with our primary care physician on September 19 and see what the Lord has planned for us. Certainly, the ability to have medical clearance and clarity for Debbie has been fulfilled. I certainly feel that my feelings about expecting this miracle have been completely fulfilled. Together we will support whatever the Lord decides for us.
September 30, 2023
I need to share some wonderful insights that I received two weeks ago. On Friday night, September 15, Debbie asked for me to listen as she shared some very personal feelings. She shared that she didn’t want to serve a mission because she felt that she didn’t have enough strength and did not feel good about turning papers in if she couldn’t give all of her energy to a mission. She felt that she didn’t have faith that this is what the Lord wanted for her. She knew that God could help her to have strength, but she wasn’t sure that is what He had in mind. She had returned to work in the temple the previous day and had great difficulty serving, feeling very weak and faint in that service. She told me that she knew that is what I wanted to do, but she didn’t feel that she could do this for me. I listened, a little in shock, but had agreed to just listen. That night and the next morning I prayed to the Lord to try and understand, especially because of the feelings that I had been experiencing as noted in my September 10 journal entry, just 6 days earlier.
As I prayed on Saturday morning, the Lord told me very clearly that being united with Debbie should be my number one priority. No matter what we did, we needed to be united in how we moved forward. I had strong feelings especially because of my Expect Miracles experience noted previously. On Saturday, I told Debbie that the most important thing for me was for us to be united and asked her to read my journal entry so that she could understand where I was coming from. On Sunday morning, September 17, I continued to pray. The Lord once again answered my prayer in part, letting me know that I should not question Debbie’s faith, for her faith was not lacking.
As the day continued, I pondered why I felt so strong about serving a mission. I realized that this is something that I always wanted to do, to serve multiple missions. I wondered why and realized how impressed I had been with others who had served many missions. Perhaps it was so that I would look good to others. Was it a thing of vanity? I knew that we were busy serving in many ways, on our church service mission, with our family, in our church callings and ministering, in our personal study and our weekly study group and in our Family History and Temple service, including as ordinance workers. It wasn’t that we didn’t have a chance to serve the Lord. I had planned several things in my mind, including our cousin retreat in Palmyra the next year. The timing of this particular mission was perfect in my view because we wouldn’t miss any baptisms of our grandchildren. . . . As I thought of all of these things, I couldn’t feel a compelling reason that wasn’t something that I had created in my head. As we took of the sacrament, these thoughts continued and I found peace. I knew that my desire to expect miracles was open ended to the will of the Lord. Certainly, Debbie’s feelings were critical to this being the Lord’s will. He had made that clear to me.
By the time that we came home from Church, I was feeling very comfortable with letting Debbie decide and accepting her feelings. As we sat down for dinner, Debbie informed me that she was willing to put the papers in and let the Lord decide. I told her that I was willing to put our plans on hold until “if and when” she felt that she could serve and felt the need to serve. Suddenly we were on different sides of this discussion. The biggest question we needed to answer immediately was related to our medical physicals that were scheduled for Tuesday, September19. I wanted us to kneel in prayer together to make sure that we were united, as this was now my top priority. As we prayed, my prayer was to leave it up to the Lord and Debbie’s feelings. During that prayer I realized perhaps my greatest reason to serve a mission. I did not want to have regrets of not serving if the Lord wanted us to serve. I do believe that this is a valid and important reason. Other than that, I felt total peace in leaving this up to Debbie to consider if and when she felt enough strength. I told her that I would suggest we still have the physicals in case we moved forward, she preferred to cancel for now and reschedule if we decided to move forward. I was happy to let her call the doctor and do whatever she felt best. Debbie went ahead and canceled the appointments, which did simplify a very busy Tuesday that we had scheduled, including our last Activities Committee meeting before our activity scheduled for the next week.
I continue to have peace with this decision and direction. Debbie has done a little better in the last two Thursdays serving in the temple, but is still experiencing a lot of fatigue. There may be other medical issues to consider. More importantly, a few days after this experience Debbie told me how much she appreciated my change of heart. It validated her voice greatly in our relationship. I feel that this may have been the most important miracle that has occurred, my ability to change my heart and give her the space that she needs. She recognizes that any further steps in the mission process depends on her and that I will be totally supportive of her decision. If we choose to serve later and miss the opportunity in Palmyra, that is okay, for it will be the will of our Heavenly Father. Of that I am certain.
October 14, 2023
From my Come Follow Me notes:
Record your thoughts about how the Savior is changing you, so that you can review them in the future and ponder how you are progressing.
Since our retirement and our mission to Europe, Debbie and I have almost never been separated. Our mission changed our focus to spiritual things, “on things above”. . .
This constant focus “on things above” has been changing my heart. I have felt my thoughts improving. I have learned to ask the Lord “What Lack I Yet?” and He has given me loving direction. Each time that I immerse myself in the scriptures in our Come Follow Me study, I feel an outpouring of the Spirit confirming what I have studied and prompting me to act on spiritual impressions. As I am constantly reminded of true gospel principles, I feel my heart changing. . . In the past month I have felt the Savior change my heart in very specific ways. One was when Debbie shared her heartfelt feelings about our serving a mission. It made me consider my motives, recognizing that the desires of my heart, although of good intent, were driven by my personal desires and by some prideful thoughts. As I pondered these things for a few days, during the sacrament service on September 17, I felt all of those personal desires transform into a full acceptance of God’s will and a desire to accept whatever Debbie was able to accept, knowing that her heart was right and in tune with Heavenly Father. This transformation made me marvel at how my heart could change
Back to the mission papers experience. After Debbie and I had talked further about submitting mission papers, we decided putting the submission of mission papers on hold. They would wait until Debbie felt that she had sufficient strength and feelings to move forward. With a change of heart, I was fully comfortable if the answer was to not serve any more missions, an incredible change in my heart.
The morning of General Conference, September 30, I prayed that the Lord would give me personal direction in General Conference. I added that if the Lord wanted us to serve a mission, please help Debbie to feel that impression during General Conference. That very day, at the end of the Saturday afternoon session, Elder Ronald A. Rasband, of the quorum of the twelve apostles, gave. a talk dedicated to senior missionary service with a passionate plea for more senior missionaries. I was overcome by the Spirit but knew that the answer had to come through Debbie. As that talk concluded, I left to pick up Ben from work so that he could join us for the evening session of conference. As I drove, I thanked the Lord for that spirit that I felt. When I returned home, I said nothing regarding the talk to Debbie. Sunday morning Debbie told me that she felt that we should submit our mission papers based on what she had felt during that talk. We are back on track to submitting papers, but are awaiting doctor visits before they can be submitted. We will, submit later than planned and the results may be different than I had planned, but I have total peace in the end result. If we are turned down because of Debbie’s health, I also have total peace. I know, without doubt, that the Lord’s will, will be revealed. I am very excited to see what He has in store for us.
October 22, 2023
On Tuesday, October 17, Debbie had an appointment for her Physician evaluation. Mine was not scheduled until November 9. My intent was to be with Debbie during the visit as has been normal in the past year. I prayed that the Lord would touch the doctor’s heart to include me in the exam, so that both of our papers could move forward, as this was our last requirement. We do have a good primary care physician, Dr. Sheldon Johnson. As we brought him up to speed as to our desire to serve a mission, he said let’s go ahead on both of you. Consider your appointment transferred to today. Done, my prayers were answered.
Then we hoped to get the completed papers by Friday, since we still had to do some lab work on Wednesday. Once again, I asked for help in my prayers. We called early in the morning and they weren’t ready. We called again before going to the temple with our grandkids around 2:30 pm. Still weren’t ready. We asked them if we could stop by after the temple and before they closed at 5:00 pm, since we would not be available by phone. When we got there at a few minutes before 5:00 pm, they were done and waiting for us. We now have our interview with the bishop scheduled for tomorrow morning. Once again, a simple request that was honored by the Lord.
October 25, 2023
Yesterday we had our missionary interview with our stake president, President Hair, it was incredible. In Sister Rueckert’s words, it was sacred. First of all , a little background. Since Saturday we have been trying to contact the stake executive secretary to schedule this appointment. I called his cell phone, home phone, wife’s cell phone, left messages and sent a text, all without a response. I don’t know if they were out of town or what. On Sunday afternoon, I sent a text to President Hair who immediately responded positively, telling me that he would be out of town after Tuesday for the rest of the week and asking me to schedule through his executive secretary. On Monday, we wen to Bishop Smith’s home and had our final visit with him as he submitted our missionary application. He then also sent another text to the executive secretary. Soon after returning home, we received a text from the executive secretary inviting us to visit with President Hair the next day (Tuesday) at 4:00 pm. We gratefully accepted. We don’t know if he was waiting for the missionary recommendation to be submitted to the stake, or what, but we were thankful to get with the stake president before he left out of town. It tuns out that he was planning on being out of town on a family vacation all week curing the high school’s “fall break”, but his daughter is on the drill team and was required to be to practices at least on Monday and Tuesday during the fall break. Hence, his family went ahead to his previously planned vacation in Mexico and he stayed behind with his daughter. They were leaving to join the family this morning. If it wasn’t for the change, we would have had to wait at least another week.
We have never personally met or talked to President Joel Hair. He was just called as our stake president about two months ago. So, when we began our interview he wanted to get to know us a little at first. We shared quite a bit about our background and then the interview began. As he asked the normal questions, rather than to just ask us if he had a testimony about Jesus Christ and his atonement, about Joseph Smith and the restoration, and about President Russell M. Nelson, he asked us to share our testimonies and their impact on our lives. As Debbie and I shared our feelings independently, the Spirit of the Lord was with us in the room. Our stake president was so kind and patient and seemed sincerely Interested in everything that we shared. Since we each have been divorced, he also needed to share his thoughts about our divorce, so we told a little bit more of our story. In total we were there for more than an hour. I believe that this was a tender mercy of the Lord. President Hair had not family waiting at home for him, only his daughter at drill team practice and he gave us full attention, making us feel special and important to him. In the end, he finished his comments on the application and submitted our application. We will now wait patiently for the Lord’s will to be revealed as to our mission call, or not.
I echo Debbie’s word of “sacred” to describe the feelings that we felt in this interview. We now know, from personal experience, that President Joel Hair is called of God to serve the members of our stake, including us.
Amazing Family Activities:
Family Reunion at Heber Valley Girls Camp Cabins:
We used to go to the Heber Valley Girls Camp every year for a family activity. For two years in a row, our reservation was cancelled due to COVID. The year before COVID and last year we had our major family reunions instead. So, this is the first time we have gone to the cabins since 2018. We had changed the date due to our son Dan moving into his new home the previous week, with several of his siblings helping in the move.
Finally on September 8 and 9 we held our Cabin reunion. Changing the date, made Beckie and her family unable to attend. Pollyanna and her family were in Disneyland and Giovanna had just given birth to little Liam, so we were missing some of our regular attendees.
However, we still had 5 families represented with a total of 26 individuals participating. Friday night, Jacob and Deb did most of the cooking for dinner which was hot dogs and hamburgers. Debbie, assisted by Nick, organized the s'mores, around the campfire. Also that night, Jacob conducted a ceremony to retire three old American Flags that we needed to dispose of. Some of us spent time looking at the stars and then we played games in one of the cabins. With four cabins, there was plenty of space for everyone.
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| Gathering around the campfire, while the camp hosts told us stories |
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| Roasting Marshmallows |
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| Debbie and Nick keeping up with the s'more requests |
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One image from disposing of the flags.
Jacob involved a couple of our 12 year old grandsons and others joined in to observe. Jacob did an excellent job of showing respect and reverence for the flag. While the flags were being put into the fire, all present recited the pledge of allegiance. Later we buried the ashes of the flags for a permanent retirement. |
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| A photo of the Big Dipper in the beauty of the night, enjoyed by a few of the fathers with some of their kids |
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| The constellation Cassiopeia (The big W), my favorite to identify after the Big Dipper. |
Since it was a week later than usual, the canoes on the lake were not available. Instead we decided to participate in some of the other Saturday activities which turned out marvelously. We participated in the toma hawk toss and the challenge course. Our kids and grandkids enjoyed each of these activities. It was a chance to do things that were new and challenging. Probably the highlight of it all was our four year old granddaughter, Emily, climbing up the pole in the challenge course. She was too young to officially participate, but she wanted to anyway. They allowed her to try and she was amazing. Perhaps the best of all was how well all of our kids stepped up to clean the cabins and the location before we left. They didn't require grandma and grandpa to do much. This made it an extra special activity for us. We certainly want to keep this on our annual activity list. See some of the photos below.
Toma Hawk Toss;
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| Fathers and their older children were able to participate together |
As I have focused on knowing my Savior better in my New Testament study this year, I have been able to better understand His divine attributes and have felt a stronger desire to develop those same attributes in my life. Two years ago we learned in Doctrine and Covenants 93 that Jesus progressed grace for grace and grace to grace. I have learned that it is only through His grace that my heart can change. In the past month I have felt the Savior change my heart in very specific ways. One was when Debbie shared her heartfelt feelings about our serving a mission. It made me consider my motives, recognizing that the desires of my heart, although of good intent, were driven by my personal desires and by some prideful thoughts. As I pondered these things for a few days, during the sacrament service on September 17, I felt all of those personal desires transform into a full acceptance of God’s will and a desire to accept whatever Debbie was able to accept, knowing that her heart was right and in tune with Heavenly Father. This transformation made me marvel at how my heart could change. Soon after that I was pondering a relationship with one of my adult children and felt a strong desire to “fix” that relationship. As I considered writing a letter I was touched by a talk in General Conference. This talk was “Seeing God’s Family through the Overview Lens” By Sister Tamara W. Runia, First Counselor in the Young Women General Presidency. The Spirit told me to study this talk as the text became available. When I did, this talk sunk deep into my soul and taught me not only how to deal with this one relationship but all relationships with our posterity. It has become one of the landmark talks for my life. Through this experience, once again my heart was changed.
Some of the special quotes from Sister Runia’s talk:
As humans, we have an earthbound point of view, but God sees the grand overview of the universe. He sees all creation, all of us, and is filled with hope. . . Everything you and you and you are worried about—it’s all going to be OK! And those who look with an eye of faith can feel that it’s going to be OK now.
Like Lehi, he knew that you don’t chase after your loved ones who feel lost. “You stay where you are and call them. You go to the tree, stay at the tree, keep eating the fruit and, with a smile on your face, continue to beckon to those you love and show by example that eating the fruit is a happy thing!”
Our job is not to teach someone who’s going through a rough patch that they are bad or disappointing. On rare occasions we may feel prompted to correct, but most often let’s tell our loved ones in spoken and unspoken ways the messages they long to hear: “Our family feels whole and complete because you are in it.” “You will be loved for the rest of your life —no matter what.”
Remember, families are a God-given laboratory where we’re figuring things out, so missteps and miscalculations are not just possible but probable. And wouldn’t it be interesting if, at the end of our lives, we could see that those relationships, even those challenging moments, were the very things that helped us to become more like our Savior? Each difficult interaction is an opportunity to learn how to love at a deeper level —a godlike level.
Unfortunately, the memory of eating the fruit is not enough; we need to partake again and again in ways that reposition our lens and connect us to the heavenly overview by opening up the scriptures, which are filled with light, to chase away the darkness, staying on our knees until our casual prayer turns mighty. This is when hearts soften, and we begin to see as God sees.
In these last days, perhaps our greatest work will be with our loved ones—good people living in a wicked world. Our hope changes the way they see themselves and who they really are. And through this lens of love, they’ll see who they will become.
It’s the Savior’s work to bring our loved ones back. It’s His work and His timing. It is our work to provide the hope and a heart they can come home to. “We have neither [God’s] authority to condemn nor His power to redeem, but we have been authorized to exercise His love.”
In earthly families, we’re simply doing what God has done with us —pointing the way and hoping our loved ones will go in that direction, knowing the path they travel is theirs to choose.
