My dear mother, Goldia Mary Rueckert, passed away on July 28, 2022 quickly, in complete peace, and with no pain, fulfilling the desire that she had had for many years. This was the perfect ending to a remarkable life of my mother. In her last days on this earth, she often asked for help to give her water, moisten her lips or adjust her pillows or position in bed. As we strived to respond to her request, when we got it right she would say "Perfect". As we look at the last weeks of her life we would conclude that they were "Perfect". This blog focuses on the remarkable journey of this very special woman.
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| The cover and back of Mom's Funeral Program. The poem was one that comforted mom's sister, Vivian, after their mother passed away. She sent it to her sister to comfort her in her last days. |
July 23, 2022 journal
Two weeks ago, my mother started coming down again with symptoms of diverticulitis. We monitored her pain and treated it with Ibuprofen for a few days. However, as it got worse, we texted her doctor and he prescribed some antibiotics to kill the infection. We have done this the last few times that she has suffered through this. We have learned how to treat this sickness, but we know that each time we do, mom suffers while taking the antibiotic and usually doesn’t start feeling better until she finishes the antibiotics, about 10 days later. She started on the antibiotic on Wednesday, July 13. We had a family reunion scheduled that Saturday for all of her posterity which she really wanted to attend. We had hopes that she would have strength to participate. Always, when she suffers through this, her appetite is weak and she doesn’t eat much. She prefers to stay mostly in bed with the pain. Usually she comes and joins us for dinner to get some nourishment. We followed this same process again.
On Friday, July 15, my brother Dan and his family arrived in Utah for the reunion and they stopped by our house to visit mom. She was sleeping and had not eaten much during the day. We woke her up and invited her to come in and visit with Dan and his family. As she came in on her own, walking with her walker, she started feeling faint. She needed our assistance to get to the kitchen table. I heated up some leftovers from the previous day for her to eat. After visiting with Dan and Eloana for a little bit, I went downstairs to watch a movie with Debbie on our date night. Eloana told us that as soon as I went downstairs, mom pushed the food away and did not want to eat any more. We have tried very hard to not make her eat, but apparently she was still responding to feelings that she should be eating in my presence.
The next morning she prepared herself to go to the park and be with her posterity at the family reunion, even though she felt very weak. We went ahead and took her to the park, bringing her walker along so that she could be more comfortable. When we arrived, we brought her into the pavilion sitting on her walker seat. There, she sat in her large camping chair and enjoyed visiting with her sons and her posterity. In total there were 70 in attendance. As she sat in the pavilion, she got weaker and weaker. Rob prepared a hot dog for her, but she didn’t eat it. Finally she asked if she could lay down on the grass. We found a shady spot and moved her over. After laying down a little bit, we got her back into her chair and she continued to visit with her sons and grandchildren. Finally she asked to go home. Rob and Dan took her home but found that they had to carry her into the house as she could not walk on her own at all. She was exhausted but thoroughly happy about the time that she was able to spend with her family. That night I went out and found some”Pedialyte” drink to help hydrate her quicker.
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| Mom, with her two youngest sons, Rob and Dan at the family reunion |
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| Mom visiting with her granddaughter, Sparkle |
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| Mom, laying down in the shade with her son, Jim, and her grandson, Jacob |
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| Mom, sitting in the shade with Debbie, Jim, and Jacob |
The next day, Dan and Eloana and their boys stopped by to see mom one more time before they left to return to California. She stayed in bed while they visited with her. She continued in bed while we went to Church and she participated by Zoom on her iPad. She joined us for a roast beef dinner, being wheeled in on her walker. She ate one piece of potato and a few pieces of a carrot, but wasn’t up to eating any of the roast beef. Arlene Rowberry, a dear neighbor and former nurse, came over and visited with mom. She saw mom having what she described as mini strokes. She told us that we could go to the hospital to verify. When we asked her what that would entail, she said they would do a scan of her brain. We asked what would they do to treat it. She said they couldn’t do anything. We chose to stay at home. That evening mom asked Debbie to help her take a shower. It ended up that Debbie had to bath her while she wasn’t able to do much on her own. Debbie also helped her get to the bathroom as she could not get there on her own.
By Monday we realized how difficult it was to get her to the toilet and bought some “Depends” for her to use as we could see that we could not get her to the bathroom as often as she needed. We tried to assure her that it was okay to urinate in the Depends, which she did. On that day she finished the first round of antibiotics, the heavier dose, and her appetite began to return. She wanted to eat dinner with us, even though she didn’t eat very much. Throughout this process, Debbie and I had been praying fervently that we would know how to help her according to God’s will. We have been told many times by ward members who have worked in end of life care, that we should not push her to eat, unless she wants to. This is a path that we have never walked before, nor has mom. We have had many conversations with her and she has repeatedly expressed her desire to pass to the other side as soon as the Lord allows. However, saying that and doing it is a whole different situation. The next morning Debbie’s sister, who has been a nurse her whole life, returned a call to Debbie. They had a discussion about our situation. She encouraged us to call a hospice provider to help us deal with mom’s needs.
That morning I began searching for hospice providers. The first one that came up was a company called “Aspire”. I read some very positive reviews and continued to research. As Debbie and I looked again together, we saw several, but I felt impressed to call “Aspire”. They arranged to come out the next morning. Mom was involved in this decision and we discussed it at length. None of us knew how this next step would work. By now, her abdominal pain had subsided greatly as she finished the strongest dose of the antiobiotic. She was still eating with us at dinner, still very small servings. She came in sitting on her walker. However, her weakness continued. In all of these discussions, Mom was participating.
On Tuesday afternoon, mom chose to stay in bed during our Zoom study group discussion. Arlene Rowberry came on early and talked to us about mom. She wanted us to know that if mom had a major stroke, we should take her immediately to the hospital, because they can treat her to minimize any paralysis that might result. From her room, mom heard the word stroke. Even though we told her otherwise, she felt that she had heard that she had a stroke. She felt so happy to know that her physical struggles were because of a stroke and not her fault (not drinking, etc.). We both felt that she did not need to be corrected, because she felt so much peace in knowing that it wasn’t her fault. Perhaps for the first time, she wasn’t taking blame for her challenges. We loved her reaction and happiness.
That night in my prayers, I felt a strong feeling that we had to be very open to what would be told us by the hospice personnel., I felt strongly that we should follow their direction and counsel. This answer has been part of my evolving answer and understanding that comes from my Heavenly Father. The answers have not come all at once, but step by step.
On Tuesday night we once again helped her get to bed, sleeping with a fresh “Depend”. Early the next morning she had an amazing experience. As she tried to explain it to us, Debbie tried to record her words. She read it back and forth to mom several times, making corrections to reflect her words and her understanding. The following is what she wrote:
“Wednesday morning, pre-dawn, I looked down and I felt the light you would see as though you were coming out of a cave into the light. The light seemed to have a spirit about it. As the light slowly grew brighter and brighter there seemed to be a mist. I felt an overpowering feeling of wonder and peace. I felt a higher level of love. I felt I could cope with my situation. As I was coming out of this experience I felt an unexplainable peace that I’ve never felt before. I felt like I can now accept what is happening to me. I’ve always envied people who have had powerful spiritual experiences like this. Now I can say I’ve had my miracle.”
Debbie believes that Heavenly Father gave mom this experience so she could stop worrying or feeling guilty about dying. She now has a calm peacefulness about her as she goes through this stage of her life. What a tender mercy from Heavenly Father to one of his special daughters.
As we discussed this further, mom said that she had always hoped to have this type of experience from Albert, but somehow Albert was not part of the experience. We laughed about it. We know that this overwhelming feeling of peace and love comes directly from our Heavenly Father and His Son, Jesus Christ.
Wednesday morning we awoke early to welcome the representatives from Aspire who arrived shortly after 8:00 am. Mom had soiled the bed, leaking out of her diaper and we cleaned things up and changed her “Depends” before their arrival. We had a lengthy conversation with Mary, who was the nurse in charge. She had brought another nurse, Melissa, with her. We discussed our situation and needs before going in to introduce mom. We seemed to be all on the same page. Their thoughts reflected what we had been thinking, including not forcing food or water on mom. They agreed that they would probably start with hospice care and change to home care if mom seemed to be rebounding favorably from her recent illness. We were very pleased and impressed with their understanding and guidance.
They then visited with mom and had a delightful visit. It was nice that the nurse in charge was named Mary, since that is my mother’s middle name. They hit it off right from the beginning. They took her blood pressure lying down and found it to be on the low end but within the normal range. I believe that it was 116 over 57. All of her vital signs seemed to be okay. However, we made immediate plans to start hospice care. This included bringing in a hospital bed so that she could sit up more easily, a chair for the shower and a table that she could use while in the bed. All of these things arrived that very afternoon. That evening we also received medications to help her with pain, restlessness, and more, to use as needed. I went ahead and moved her big television from her living room to her bedroom so that she could watch her favorite “Heartland” shows. Mom commented how all of this was happening so fast. However, the peace that she had received that very morning strengthened her throughout these changes. She again had dinner with us on Wednesday, eating even a slightly bigger portion of dinner, as she was hungry. She had apprehensions about the new bed, wanting to make sure she knew how to work the controls. We set a her phone on the side of the bed so that she could call us easily if she needed anything, covered her up with a blanket and went downstairs. That night I sent an email to our children and to my brothers letting them know about our decision to assist mom with hospice.
On Thursday morning, as we came upstairs to go to the temple, we checked on her and found that she had gotten cold and tried to pull another blanket off of her other bed. When we arrived she had her feet out the other side of the bed and had a puddle of urine on her bed. We quickly cleaned her up and got her set for the day. Arlene Rowberry and Gloria Mayne, wonderful neighbors, both had agreed to check in on her during the day while we were gone. We also had hope that the nurses aid from hospice would show up. At this point we did the best that we could and left for the temple. It was obvious that mom was continuing her decline, her thought patterns were confused. She couldn’t keep straight how to find the phone, which she had dropped on the floor the night before or how to call us. We normally spend all day until 6:00 pm in the temple each week. We weren’t sure how to proceed on this day.
As I officiated in the initiatory ordinances on Thursday, my mind thought of my mother in each blessing on each part of the body. I was overcome by the spirit and was very emotional throughout that session. I thought about all of the decline that mom had suffered and rejoiced in the promised blessings from God, recognizing that her abilities would be restored to her after this life. I felt this over and over as I performed these ordinances for the same individual, five times in a row. Afterwards he commented to me that he had never received the ordinances from the same person for all 5 proxy experiences. He said that he had felt a very special spirit in these ordinances.
I had previously decided that I would take a small break after performing the initiatory ordinances and make a phone call home to see how mom was doing. When I called she didn’t answer. Twice I called and still no answer. I called Arlene Rowberry and her husband answered saying that she had gone to lunch with some friends. Finally, my mother called me back but she wasn’t communicating well. At the same time I was calling the hospice to see when the nurse’s aid was coming. They finally told me that the aide would be coming that day and would contact me within 15 or 20 minutes to confirm her time. I finally talked to my mother again and she clearly told me that she was fine, had had wonderful visits from Arlene and Gloria and that I didn’t need to worry. I still decided to leave my shift early, talked to one of the assistant coordinators, and came home. When I arrived, my mother was sleeping peacefully and all was well. I spent probably an hour and a half in the room with her while she slept and used the time to do some personal study. I shared with her my experience in the temple and we had some wonderful conversations about all that was occurring and again about the peace that she was feeling. The nurses aide, Rachel, arrived about 2:30 pm and had a wonderful visit with mom, including giving her a shower, changing her brief and treating her with exceptional love. Things went very well. Gloria came over again and I decided to return to the temple as Debbie was playing the organ. I stayed and listened and then we stayed and did the sealing ordinances for three of her great grandparents. My temple experiences that day were limited but very meaningful.
That night at dinner I shared my experience in performing initiatory ordinances with Debbie and she related a similar experience. She also had her thoughts on mom and her declining abilities and was filled with the spirit in wonderful manifestations. This was occurring only one hour apart in the temple to both of us. This was such a powerful experience for both of us, just a continuation of the powerful spirit that we had been feeling all week. At dinner, we decided to put mom on a normal chair so that she could sit closer to the table. Her appetite was still somewhat limited but she liked the fruit that Debbie had prepared and ate a generous helping. As she ate, we discussed the experience that she had had the previous morning. As she explained the best that she could, Debbie wrote the summary that I shared earlier in this writing. Just as mom finished eating the fruit, she started feeling light headed and we took her right back to bed, where she slept. A little later, Jim came over to visit with mom, responding to our earlier email. As he visited with her, she showed interest in having a bowel movement and she wanted to do it in the toilet. Jim and I helped her get up and onto the walker chair. In this process, she started flailing her arms and seemed to black out. We quickly put her back in the bed where she regained all of her consciousness and seemed pretty normal again. Before Jim left, we gave her a priesthood blessing. Jim anointed and I sealed the anointing. In the blessing that was pronounced, mom was told that the special experience of peace was a blessing from her Heavenly Father so that she would know that He knew of her situation. It reflected the love that God has for her. There were no feelings to bless her with health, but to tell her that this peace would strengthen her in the events that would proceed in the days to follow. Later, in the blessing the language referred to days and weeks. I personally felt a very strong spirit of peace and love in the room. We gave mom some of the medication that we had received to help her with her restless sleeping and for a pain that she was feeling in her arm. That night she slept peacefully all night without any of the complications that we had felt the night before.
Friday morning, Debbie and I once again moved mom in the walker to the bathroom to change her. This time she leaned her head against the wall and passed out. We quickly brought her back to the bed, laid her down, and she was acting normal again. In fact, she did not remember anything about the trip to the bathroom. Now with two occurrences in the previous 12 hours we called the hospice company and asked for feedback from the nurse. In the meantime we had visits from the social services representative, Nikki. She was delightful. She even had some experiences serving in a volunteer basis in Mozambique, a country that has become dear to us as we have been working with that temple in our church service mission. Then the chaplain arrived to visit mom and he began speaking Portuguese to me. He had served in Brazil 10 years earlier than I had. His wife had passed away a year and a half ago. Both of these individuals had delightful visits with mom and showered her with love and understanding. Then the nurses’s aide, Rachel, came again and visited with mom, changed her, etc. She has built an immediate bond with mom. We really appreciate her. She also taught us how to better help mom when she isn’t there. As she tried to take mom to the bathroom on the walker, she had the same experience that we had earlier that day. By that time, Melissa, the assigned nurse, was on her way to better assess the situation. When Melissa arrived she wanted to take mom’s blood pressure laying down, sitting up and standing up. Laying down was similar to Wednesday, low but safe. She said that her heart beat was irregularly irregular. As she sat on the end of the bed, her heart beat was much slower. When Melissa had her stand up, she had another spastic fit and basically passed out. As we laid her back in bed, she once again returned to normal. We decided that from that time forward, mom would be bed bound. Melissa felt that her blood pressure was no problem as long as she was supported by the bed. Melissa herself had been in a near death experience a few years previous. She has a wonderful way of describing the situation in a way that is very understandable. She stayed and gave us much needed counsel and direction. Both Melissa and Rachel will be back on Monday to visit. For the weekend, they offered to be available as needed. We had the personal phone numbers for both of them. During this day, mom was constantly thirsty with dry lips. We gave her ice, and fed her water with the sponge “lollipops” that Rachel gave us. She was having difficulty sucking water through a straw. All she ate during the day was three sweet cherries, pitted by Debbie.
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| Rachel, the nurse's aid, that visited with mom daily. There was an instant bond of love between them. |
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| Melissa, the nurse who cared for mom. She was wonderful and guided us so well throughout this process. Both of these ladies were angels sent from God to help mom and us in this process. |
Brian, grandma’s grandson, came to visit a little later. He fed her a few spoons of a Frosty that we had thawed out for her, but she didn’t want very much. While Brian cared for mom, Debbie and I slipped out to get a quick dinner and a break from a busy day. All throughout the week we have been trying to do our church service mission while caring for mom. We have made some progress. On Friday we moved our computer set up to the dining room table so that we could be closer to mom. Personal study, temple service and our church service mission have all “suffered” this week, but we have been blessed as we have been able to minister to this angelic mother of mine. The spirit has been so strong all week. We know that we are doing what needs to be done and feel absolutely guided each step of the way.
When we arrived back on Friday night, Brian left and mom went to sleep. She was exhausted after a day full of visits. She slept from 6:30 pm until the next morning at 9:00 a.m. With another dose of the restlessness medicine she slept well without any complications. Jim was going to come over and Rob asked to make a visit. We asked both to come on Saturday. Debbie and I enjoyed our date night watching movies while mom slept peacefully.
On Saturday morning (today), we got mom up and ready for the day, after a long night of sleep. We got her set up with a sippy cup for her to drink which worked very well. I got her set up to watch a little television and then she said she wanted to go back to sleep, which she did. A few hours later, Rob came with his family to visit. They woke mom up and had a wonderful visit. Rob and his family are leaving tomorrow for a 10 day trip to Europe. As they left, they knew that this might be the last time they would see mom alive. They had a wonderful visit and they left her room in tears. Soon after, mom’s sister Vivian called. We had talked to Vivian throughout the week and she had visited with mom a few times by telephone. Before talking to Vivian, Debbie fed mom a small bowl of strawberries, about four or five strawberries. After talking to Vivian, mom went back to sleep. Jim came over at 4:00 pm to stay with mom while we went to celebrate our grandson Grant’s 4th birthday in Provo. We were gone almost 4 hours. During the entire time, mom slept. Jim was not able to have any conversation with her. After we arrived home she awoke and tried to talk to us. We could’t make out much of what she said. Something about coming back. She expressed her love for Debbie and I and gave us some beautiful smiles. She then laid while Debbie played her love song on the piano, Forever and Ever. She was tired and went back to sleep.
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| Rob and his family visiting with mom for the last time |
It is now Saturday night. In just over a week, mom’s condition has declined drastically. However, in the process, the Spirit of the Lord has prevailed in our home and mom and all that have visited her have been filled with peace and love. Since Monday, she has not had too much pain from her diverticulitis as the antibiotics have done their job. Mom has always wanted to go to the other side peacefully and without pain. At this moment, I feel that this blessing is being fulfilled. We don’t know how long she will remain with us, but we are grateful for the Spirit of the Lord that has been around her all week. I told her that if I had to pick one word to describe her, it would be Gratitude. She is so grateful for all that we and everyone else does for her. There are no complaints, only love coming from her. She has lost just about all of her mortal abilities, but her Spirit is strong. I am overwhelmed by her goodness and love and the goodness of God in this process.
July 30, 2022 journal
On Sunday morning, July 24, my mother woke up with the comment, “I am still alive”. She had expected to die in her sleep the night before. However, her voice was weak and it was difficult to understand her. She mostly slept until David and his wife Ann and his daughter Halle came to be with her while we went to our Church meetings. We arranged for her to watch the Church meeting by Zoom on her iPad. At our Church services we shared mom’s declining condition to some of her closer friends in the ward. Several wanted to come and see her after the meetings. When we returned home, our condo had many other visitors. Several of Dave’s children had come to visit their grandmother. Mark and Hanna were also here, having come down from Logan. Several ward members came over and visited also. This began a constant stream of visitors that continued until she passed away on Thursday. Mom was loved by so many.
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| Two sweet sisters from the ward visiting with mom |
In total, there were more than 50 visitors. Just a few comments to go with this. I had included Kendra on the previous email that I had sent but had not heard from her and realized that we needed to contact her and Mike’s children. On Monday, I took some air mattresses to Gina to use in her move to Texas while she is awaiting furniture to arrive. She was going to Thanksgiving Point with her family, so I met her there and made the exchange. Before I even got home, she called me and told me that she had seen Spring, Mike’s daughter at Thanksgiving Point, who didn’t know anything about mom. Within an hour Spring came to visit Grandma and returned with a few of her siblings that very night. Her sister Rondi came from Logan the following morning. That night I did call Kendra, who is serving a mission in Alaska, and had a nice conversation with her. Her daughter Sparkle became our go to person for communication the rest of the week.
During these many visits, mom was alert enough to know who was visiting. Every visitor received an enormous smile from her, up until Tuesday night. Everything we did for her, even just moving her to be more comfortable was received with words of gratitude. Whenever we would adjust her or give her liquid or moisten her lips or do anything for her, she would say “perfect” or “thank you”. I decided to change her name from great grandma to grateful grandma. She has always been full of gratitude, but it seemed to radiate from her even more. When her grandson Allen and his wife visited with her on Sunday evening, he said that her room was a sacred place. We felt the same throughout these two weeks. God’s spirit was with her as she had peace and no pain. She was certainly making her last preparations to get to the other side.
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| Allen and his wife, Joann, visiting with their grandmother |
On Monday, mom’s voice was very weak. She had eaten some grapes on Sunday but never ate anything else before she passed on Thursday. When the hospice nurse was visiting with her on Monday, mom asked her “How long?”. The nurse said jokingly, “how long until lunch?”. Mom repeated “how long?” Then the nurse said, “How long until you meet Albert?”. Immediately mom’s left arm came up straight with her fist clenched. We got a good laugh out of her reaction. She definitely was wanting to see her beloved husband. Tuesday night I received a text from Kendra that said, “Is all well, Just felt some angels an hour ago. They are so excited for her to come.” Kendra has always had an ability to see beyond the veil. We shared her text with mom.
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| Debbie trying to listen to mom's effort to talk on Monday morning |
Throughout this process, mom expressed constant love to all that visited her. Debbie and I had the special privilege to be with her often, during quiet moments when we could feel her overpowering love. On Monday morning we had some very special moments. As Debbie tried to care for her, mom reached her arm to pull Debbie close to her and give her a hug. I received the same privilege. All that we did for her was received with an enormous smile. Her heart was grateful and she was radiating love in all that she did.
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| This photo captures a little of the smile that mom shared so freely during these sacred days |
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| A touching embrace between my two favorite women |
The following are photos of just a few of the many visits that she received. These photos were taken on the Monday before she passed away.
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| With Kari |
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| With her son, David, and his son, Mitchell, with his family |
On Tuesday morning, Rondi came down from Logan with her cousin-in-law, Hanna. Hanna had been there on Sunday, but this was Rondi's first chance since Mom became so ill. Hanna asked how she could help while Rondi visited. Debbie asked if she could clean mom's toilet before her sister Vivian arrived. Hanna proceeded to clean mom's entire bathroom. This was an incredible act of service to Debbie and to Vivian for which we were very grateful.
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| Rondi, visiting with her grandma |
Tuesday, mom’s beloved sister, Vivian, flew in to visit and stay with her. She had scheduled to come on Wednesday, but decided to come earlier when we communicated mom’s difficulties. She was able to spend time communicating the best possible with mom’s diminished speaking ability. She has remained the entire week and been of great comfort to Mom and assistance to us. On Wednesday, mom didn’t wake up through the hospice visit nor during the day, except for a few brief moments. She had very little to drink. She wasn’t able to swallow. Her youngest son Dan flew in from California that afternoon and has stayed with us the remainder of the week. Jim came back from out of town.
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| Mom visiting with her sister on the Tuesday, right after Vivian's arrival |
At one point mom told Debbie "I wish I could be young again." We showed her her favorite picture which is of the statue at the mortuary. We told her that she could be young again by going through the veil.
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| This is the beautiful sculpture that is at the mortuary. It shows an older woman with a cane going through the veil and then shows a young lady meeting the Savior. Mom has loved this sculpture since she first saw it at the mortuary. |
On Wednesday morning I realized that I had not contacted a few of her dear friends, Kathy White and Pat Whetman. They were both devastated. Kathy called mom her spiritual advisor. Pat said she was her very best friend. Both were recipients of many ministering efforts by my mother, either by visits or phone calls. Kathy came over with her husband that very day. Pat said she couldn’t come because she is in a wheelchair and just had shoulder surgery. However, later that night, Pat called back and asked us to help her come over. She lived next door. Dan and I helped her come over in her wheelchair. She was her last visit before passing.
She had amazing care from the hospice company, Aspire. All of the individuals were caring, kind and very service oriented. The two that we saw most was her daily CNA visit from Rachel and the nurse, Melissa. Each of these ladies were so kind and so helpful. Not only did they perform many services, they gave us guidance throughout the process and answered all of our questions. On Wednesday we asked Melissa what she thought the timetable would be for mom’s passing. Of course, no one can say for sure. She thought she would pass by the weekend, but thought it would linger a few more days.
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| Rachel, caring for mom, bringing a beautiful smile to her face |
On Wednesday night, we knew that the time was near. With Dan and Vivian here, Jim and Dave came over. We started planning the funeral and other arrangements that were necessary. We involved Rob in as much of our planning as possible as he was in Europe with his family. This session ended up being a fun time to interact with each other with a lot of story telling and laughter. At times I thought that we were a little loud with mom dying in the next room. However, we realized that the thing she most enjoyed in life was hearing her children interact with each other. Since we felt that she was still able to hear, this was probably joy to her soul.
The nurse didn’t think that she would pass until Friday or Saturday. Based on that, Debbie and I went to serve in the Jordan River temple on Thursday morning. I stopped in her room and gave her a kiss before we left, she was still sleeping, but breathing. Dan and Vivian were both at home to watch over mom and the hospice CNA, Rachel, was coming in that morning at 9:00 a.m. As we finished our preparation meeting in the temple, I received a note to call Dan who advised us that she had passed while Rachel was there. Rachel had just cleaned her up and put fresh pajamas on her. This was the first time that she had a patient die in her presence. She was quite overcome and touched by mom. They had become fast friends in just a few visits. For mom this timing was really "perfect". We immediately returned home and enjoyed some time with mom before Melissa arrived. This is something that we have talked about with mom for quite awhile. It was surreal that it had really happened. She was full of peace and love, had no pain, and was visited and surrounded by those she loved in her final days . We could never have asked for more. God had granted her desires and added additional blessings. Now she was able to be with her husband and other family members as she has wanted for so long. We enjoyed several minutes alone with her, pondering what had just happened. These were sacred moments.
After Melissa arrived we learned from her the next steps with the mortuary, etc. Debbie spent a lot of time talking with Melissa who is so very sweet. She is a convert to the Church and they shared many spiritual insights. Soon after, Jenkins-Soffe Mortuary came by to transport her body and we had one last farewell in our home. We scheduled a visit with them later that afternoon to begin understanding our next steps. Dave, Dan and Vivian went with me as we met at the mortuary and made plans. Dan had already prepared an obituary and with feedback from all, it was published by the end of the day. We had decided that all of the sons would speak at the funeral and that it would be held on Wednesday of next week, August 3, 2022. We talked to Rob who made plans to return from his trip a day or so earlier, so that he would available for the viewing on Tuesday. We asked Sarah to make arrangements for the flowers, which she coordinated from their location in Ireland. Everyone has been so helpful. We were able to contact Irene Schwemmer, who sang mom’s love song at Dad’s funeral 31 years earlier. She agreed to sing the same song at mom's funeral.
Obituary:
Dan took care of the obituary, Dave is responsible for the presentation of memorabilia, Vivian will speak and her husband Dale will dedicate the grave. Jim is responsible for a video tribute to share at the viewings. Sarah has taken over the flowers. I was to go to the cemetery to make arrangements for the burial. We still had many to notify. I called the bishop and did not make initial contact. I then called Jay Bowcutt, the first counselor to let him know about mom’s passing and the make arrangements for the chapel on the following Wednesday. Jay was at a Relief Society humanitarian day that was going on. The next thing we knew, the Relief Society president was delivering the extra food that they had left over from the luncheon. That has kept us going for the last few days. Vivian had communicated to Carol Hermansen, mom’s step sister the night before. She called back and we told her about mom’s passing. Carol and her husband and daughter came over and visited later that night. Just minutes after that phone call, I received a call from my cousin Jerry, expressing his condolences. I had not yet contacted my cousins. I asked him how he knew. Unknown to me, he is also the cousin to Paul Nesi’s wife. Paul is the brother of Carol. I repented and talked to other cousins and asked them to share the news with their families. We were able to share the details of the funeral and viewings with everyone the very day of mom’s passing. By the end of the day, I was able to put a post on Facebook which seems to communicate to just about everyone else. The next day, Friday, the obituary was posted on-line and made available through Facebook.
All day we were receiving calls and texts of condolences and love. At these times, we see the goodness and love of so many people. This continued through the rest of the week and I know that it will continue for the coming days. In an electronic world, news travels fast and love is also spread quickly. We have received many condolences from all over the world and from people that we have never even met.
On Friday we continued to work on the funeral program. We decided to make the pall bearers the seven sons, with a son from the two deceased sons to stand in their place. We also decided that the honorary pallbearers would include all daughters-in-law and deceased sons to give them the honor they deserved. We called the Salt Lake City Cemetery about noon to arrange whatever we needed to do for the burial. They told us that there was no space available in the Rueckert area of the cemetery. This is where mom’s headstone has been for over 30 years. We were shocked.! We immediately went down to the cemetery and spent the entire afternoon looking for a solution.
Apparently, the spot where mom’s headstone has been established, according to their records, was where my uncle Eugene Rueckert was buried in 1935. As we went through all records, there is no indication of a spot being reserved for my mother. She has told us for over 30 years that there was a spot reserved for her. Eugene’s headstone has been in another location, a little south of her identified plot. We visited the cemetery plot with their personnel who, based on the sinking of the ground, felt pretty certain that there was another burial in the plot. Apparently there has been something buried there, but there is no tombstone to identify who, except the tombstone of my mother. I told them that there was no one buried in this family section that had living children except my father. My grandparents and great grandparents are buried their and many infant children or grown children of the two families. However, none of these grown children had posterity. The only son of my grandfather with posterity that is buried there is my father.
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| From the Salt Lake Cemetery's records. The grave that we thought was mom's was S_21_3_5E, clearly occupied by Eugene Adam Rueckert. All the records of the cemetery verified this. |
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| Tombstones of my father and my mother. Her's is at the feet of my father |
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| Eugene's headstone, two stones to the right of my mother's headstone |
They were willing to dig down into the plot in question and if they found a grave, make it a double deep grave, with my mother on top, if I could certify that our family was the only family that were descendants of those in this section of the family plot. I told them that my grandfather had other children with posterity but that none of them were buried in this section of the cemetery. They said the only way we could bury my mother there was to get a notarized statement from all of my grandfather's living descendants that they were in agreement. Obviously this was not possible, especially in the next two days. They agreed to turn my father’s grave into a double deep grave, something that they had refused to consider originally. This could be done with notarized letters from each of my living brothers in their hands by Monday at noon. There were other requirements and costs from the burial vault company and the cemetery, but at least we had a solution. I know that my mother’s spirit was no longer in her body, but she would not accept being buried somewhere other than next to her husband. Now we had a solution where she will be buried above her husband. We all accepted this. We in turn have received the needed notarized letters and I will deliver them to the cemetery on Monday. The mortuary has also agreed to do all that is required to make this work, including with the burial vault company. It appears that we have avoided a total disaster, our first real challenge in this whole process.
On Saturday, David came over and we went through much of mom’s memorabilia and finalized other items on the funeral program. I believe that we are on track for a wonderful celebration of the life of my dear mother. As Dan and Vivian have been staying here, it has been an absolute joy to have them with us. They are so helpful in every way. Anything that needs to be done, they do, including daily needs of cleaning and organizing, etc. They have also had time to spend with Dave and Jim. We were blessed with a wonderful mother. We are equally blessed with wonderful siblings and an angelic aunt, mom’s sister Vivian.
August 4, 2022 journal
Sunday morning, July 31, I took Dan to the airport so that he could go home and return with his family for the funeral. By Monday evening he was back, after driving all day. Uncle Dale came up with his daughter and son-in-law on Tuesday, arriving late that night. Sunday Vivian went to Church with us and had a family home evening with us. Since mom has passed away, Vivian has taken her role in our home. We have still been a threesome for so many things. She also continues to be a super worker and cleaner around the house. We can’t rinse a dish or do much of anything without getting in trouble with her.
On Monday we took the program to the Mortuary, the clothing for them to dress mom, and the video that Aunt Becky had completed and delivered to us that very morning. Then Debbie and I had our Monday missionary team meeting. Before the meeting was over, we had to take off to get to the cemetery by noon. There we took all the notarized approvals from the five bothers so that they could dig up dad's burial vault and do a double deep burial. All went well. We had some confusion about which head stones that they were going to remove on Monday. They ended up removing Dad’s headstone since that is where they were digging. On Tuesday, they also had to move mom’s a little bit so that it didn’t fall into the hole. They will add the date to her headstone on-site. Once again the office staff at the cemetery told us that what was being done for us has been requested and turned down for many others. Ours was a unique situation. We know that we had divine help in resolving this in an acceptable way.
By Monday afternoon we had a draft of the funeral program. As we reviewed it we found a few typo errors. Then Dan found one more and then Jim found another. Once again, it was a team effort. The program turned out “perfect”. This is our new favorite word, since that is the word that mom used over and over again whenever we would adjust a pillow or give her water or ice chips. When it was how she wanted it, it was “perfect”. On Monday afternoon, I thought that I had completed my talk. On Monday night I went over it with Debbie. It took 10 minutes, so I had to go back and cut a lot more out of it. We are saying that none of the 7 talks should be more than 5 or 6 minutes. Tuesday, when Debbie took Vivian to get her hair cut and Dan was out buying some photo stands, I had a quiet hour and was able to complete my talk. When I went through it with Debbie, it was 5 and a half minutes.
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| Finalized program for my mother's funeral |
Tuesday we went to the mortuary in the afternoon to dress mom. Vivian and Debbie did this while I watched. Mom looked beautiful with a nice smile. Not quite what we had experienced during the previous two weeks, but very nice. After we finished dressing her, they took her back to get her situated in her casket. We began working on the memorabilia display. David showed up and did most of the work. Then our daughter-in-law, Amy, arrived and put some wonderful women’s touches on the display. Before going to the mortuary we realized that we had not prepared some tags to go with the displays to describe some of the items being displayed. As we talked about what we needed, Dan and Eloana took over and did a fantastic job while we were at the mortuary. I headed over to the Church house to coordinate with the Elders and Relief Society who were setting up for the next day. Then Amy and her husband Dan came over and did an advance set up on the tables there, before we moved the memorabilia to the church. Amy then came back the next morning to finalize right before the morning visitation. Rob and Sarah were back in town and made sure that all the flowers arrived. They came about one hour before the visitation which was “perfect”. We had many comments about the beautiful flower arrangements. When Sarah does something, she really does it right.
People started arriving at the visitation at the mortuary about 15 minutes before the official starting time of 6:00, but we were ready. For the next two hours, the room was filled with loving expressions of so many people whose lives that mom had touched. We had quite a few from the extended Rueckert Family and the Burbidges. Each of them had wonderful memories of mom from so many years ago and continuing until recently. The Burbidges also sent a special floral arrangement. My cousins, the Potters, Gloria and her brother and Chris Fowler were all there with amazing support and also with a few more floral arrangements. We also had Paul Nesi and Carol Hermansen, mom’s siblings from her mother’s third marriage. Two of Carols’ daughters also came to the funeral with them. We had a few from the Lauritzen family also. We had a lot of people from the old Cannon Ward showing up, including three of the Richter children. Renard Richter was one of Mom’s Guide Patrol boys more than sixty years ago. We had several Ingersolls who not only loved mom but also served with her in several presidencies in the ward and stake. Sister Schwemmer and her daughter came, she sang at the funeral the next day also. My old friend George Rausch came with his wife. Some of the neighbors from Riley Circle came, including the lady who is currently living in our old house. This was the first time that I had met her, personally, but she stayed most of the night and seemed to enjoy associating with our family. Of course, we had many of our ward members come by and other friends of the family. Each of the sons had some of their family come to the viewing on Tuesday night and even more right before the funeral. Personally, I loved every moment of it. All of these people were so kind and expressed so much love for my mother. Even though we know that she had many friends and made a difference for many, we never know the immensity of her impact until we get this small representation of her circle of influence.
One humorous incident, someone came in that I didn’t recognize. I greeted him and he said that he worked with Dan for many years. I asked him if he had seen Dan and he said no, so I took him over to see my brother Dan, who also did not know him. It turns out that the second visitation going on at the mortuary was for someone named Dan who had died in a motorcycle accident, and this guy came into the wrong viewing. I suspect that he was also surprised when I tried to introduce him to Dan, who was deceased.
After the viewing we collected the personal belongings that we would take to the Church house the next morning and went home. When we arrived, close to nine p.m., Alan and Debbie Kimball arrived, delivering our Uncle Dale, Vivian’s husband.
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| Memorabilia set up for the visitation at the Church |
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| More memorabilia, one of many afghans that mom made and an amazing cross stitch display |
Yesterday, Wednesday morning, we arrived at the Church at 9:00 am. The bishop was already there and the mortuary arrived shortly after. They brought in the casket, floral arrangements, etc. and were so helpful. Throughout the process, they were just amazing. They are so service oriented, with every intent to make sure that all goes well. This was my first time in this role and they relieved so much stress and brought comfort and organization to everything. The owner, our Stake President, Kurt Soffe, specifically had gone to the cemetery on Tuesday to make sure that all was working for the double deep burial. He then called me and told me that all was working “perfectly”. Not surprisingly, we had many more come to the visitation on Wednesday morning, until the bishop closed the door so that we could stop the outside visitors and reserve a few minutes for family and the family prayer. Many more visited from mom’s posterity and extended family and ward friends and others who care. This even included our dear friends, Russell and Eileen Healy who serve with on our Church Service mission. Another outpouring of love from so many. When we had the family prayer, the Relief Society room was full and there were still many of her posterity that were not in the room but were in attendance in the chapel.
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| Visitation in the Relief Society room with the beautiful floral displays that Sarah arranged |
The funeral started at exactly 11:00 am. We turned the time over to the bishop at 12:05 after 7 talks and a musical number. The fact that we could fit it all in was amazing. Even much more amazing was the spirit that came with each of the tributes. I just want to take time to give a high level summary of each presentation:
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| Coming into the chapel with mom's casket |
- The first talk was the grandchildren tribute by Allen Rueckert and Rondi Rueckert. They shared words and thoughts from most of the grandchildren. It was quick but very enjoyable and included just about every word that was shared by most of the 52 grandchildren. We could only recollect a few grandchildren that were not in attendance. A few that were out of town attended by the on-line streaming. When they finished, Debbie whispered in my ear, “That was Perfect."
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| Allen and Rondi sharing the grandchildren tribute |
- Vivian then gave a tribute of the amazing big sister that mom was for her. She shared stories that most of us did not know about. We gained some increased perspective on how mom was a doer of great things even as a young girl.
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| Vivian giving her talk |
- Dan focused on mom’s attribute of being selfless, especially describing mom at the time that Dad passed away and mom’s constant concern that everyone was doing okay, even when she was carrying the major role and load. He reminded us of a major theme of mom’s life of worrying all the time.
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| Dan giving his talk |
- Rob focused on Mom’s ability to focus on the good in others, to see the good parts. He showed how there were plenty of challenges in their lives, but mom would always focus on the positive, never the challenges or the negative. She did it through pure love.
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| Rob giving his talk |
- We then had the song, "Forever and Ever" by Irene Schwemmer. This was the song on the radio when Dad proposed to Mom and became their song. Irene had sung this song at Dad’s funeral 31 years ago. When she started singing, my emotions started getting out of control. It was beautiful.
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| Irene Schwemmer singing "Forever and Ever" |
- David then gave a previously unprepared talk. He said that he had prepared a talk earlier but that morning had felt impressed to take a completely different direction. Without notes, he shared a thought that mom had shared with him years earlier, “What if it isn’t true?” He shared mom’s amazing testimony that it was true and gave a powerful witness to all in the congregation, especially mom’s posterity that it was true. He told them that they should always know that about their grandmother and their grandfather and from their uncle Dave. I was overwhelmed with the spirit of this talk. I know that it is what Heavenly Father wanted to be said at that time to Mom’s posterity.
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| Dave giving his talk |
- Jim focused on a few principles but finished on how mom had taught him to pray. He shared some examples in his own life. At one critical moment mom came to his room at 1:00 a.m. when he had needed to share a miraculous answer to his prayer. Personally, Jim has taught me much about prayer over his life. This was a powerful message.
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| Jim giving his talk |
- I was able to finish this up with my condensed talk that was driven by thoughts that had come to me on Sunday in Church. I felt strongly that I needed to use scriptures so that the Spirit could speak more strongly. In fact, the Lord revealed the scriptures that I should use, from D&C 93:12-13 and Moroni 10:32-33. I shared how mom had progressed from grace to grace during her life, just as the Savior had progressed in his mortal experience according to D&C 93. I then focused on her last two weeks, when the grace of God helped her to overcome her self doubt and worry as she prepared to pass through the veil. I had Debbie share the spiritual experience that mom had had 8 days before passing. We certainly felt that she was perfected in Christ, through his grace as described by Moroni.
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| Tom giving his talk |
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| Debbie sharing mom's "miracle" |
We received many nice comments. Many thought that we had orchestrated our talks. In fact, Heavenly Father did the planning and inspired each of us individually to prepare different messages about a remarkable woman.
We then went to the cemetery using a map that Dan had prepared for everyone and handed out by Eloana to family members. We ended up having 7 pall bearers, mom's five living sons and sons of Andy and Mike. It felt really good. Then Dale Thibault, her brother in law, who was a non-member of the Church 10 years ago, gave an amazing dedication of the grave. We returned to the Church right at 2:30 pm for the luncheon which was provided by our wonderful Relief Society. We had estimated about 120 for lunch. At the end there was no left overs but everyone had enough to eat. Once again, perfect.
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| Seven Pall Bearers, representing the 7 sons, bringing the casket to the grave site |
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| Uncle Dale dedicating the grave |
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| Pall Bearers putting their boutonnières on the casket |
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| Grandchildren waiting in line to put a carnation on the casket |
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| All five living sons by the casket at the grave site |
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| Dale and Vivian behind the casket |
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| Photo of casket and flowers. The lid of the burial vault is laying above the tombstone for my uncle Eugene |
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| The cultural hall was full of mom's posterity. The Relief Society did an amazing job to feed all of them. |
We really felt that this fulfilled the dreams and wishes of mom. She loved her sons and her sister. I think that she would have been proud of all that went on this day. We are sure that she would have said that all was “perfect”.
Last night we fulfilled her last wish, to have her five remaining sons go through her belongings and divide them out according to our choices with love and no conflict. By ten o’clock last night, everything that others wanted was divided up in a wonderful spirit of love, perfectly as mom had desired.
As I look at these two days of celebration and the events of the last few weeks, I am overwhelmed with gratitude for the assistance and love of so many. I wanted to thank everyone individually, which was not possible, but I tried my best. Not only did mom receive that very special grace from our Heavenly Father, we all did. We had angels all around us. The following is my attempt to identify the many angels sent to assist us at this time:
- Starting with the Aspire hospice, I can’t imagine how anyone could have served us and mom any better. They were totally amazing.
- Jenkins-Soffe Mortuary was outstanding. They served us in every way and were there for things that we had not even thought about. They guided and directed us. Their execution was flawless.
- The ward, our bishop, elders quorum and relief society were 100% supportive. They know how to do funerals, they have had a lot of experience. Not only were they so capable, all communications were full of love and concern. We are blessed with an amazing ward.
- I would have to include individual neighbors and friends who have supported us in every way. Food has appeared, treats, flowers, notes, phone calls and visits. Too many to mention from true Saints
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| Flowers and cards from family and neighbors |
- Vivian and Dan really provided not just assistance but incredible moral support and friendship. They were each here for a week or more and helped in any detail that needed attention, including Dan taking Dale and Vivian to the airport this morning. Vivian became the replacement of mom for us in these last 10 days. Tonight for the first time we are alone in our house. When we arrived home from the temple shift, Dan and Eloana had finished the wash of the bedding that Vivan began before leaving this morning.
- All of my brothers have gone out of their way to contribute in every way. David cancelled his family vacation last week and stopped by just about every day and was willing to do anything. Rob kept in touch from Europe and organized flowers with Sarah. He even got an on-line notarized letter Friday night while I was sleeping. By Saturday morning it was in my inbox. Jim has been here every moment that he had available. Beckie put in many hours to update the video and still delivered it before it was needed. In all that has transpired in the past three weeks, I never heard one negative comment from any of my brothers. We were truly blessed with amazing parents who raised 7 wonderful sons. Mom always quoted dad as saying they just received good spirits in their home. We all know that their love and concern and example had a lot to do with how their sons have turned out.
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| Mom's seven sons featured above her bed |
- All of mom’s posterity has done all that was asked and are all willing to do more. One, even cleaned mom’s bathroom right before Vivian arrived from Seattle. With just a few exceptions, they were all participating in this funeral, either in person or on-line. They all loved their grandma and expressed it beautifully through visits, conversations and service. They even put away all the chairs and tabIes yesterday before the Elders Quorum arrived to take care of it. I personally have an admiration and love for each of my nieces and nephews. Our children, also mom’s grandchildren, fit exactly into that same mold. They are a real tribute to their grandmother.
With all of these blessings, this past few weeks have been sacred for us, for we have seen the hand of God each step of the way. His grace is sufficient to perfect us if we will come unto Christ. With him, we can be “perfect”.
The spirit that filled our home these past few weeks was very well described by Debbie in the following entry in her journal:
I want to record something that happened to me during the last few weeks of my mother-in-law's life. I chose the word "compassion" as my word to focus on for 2022. I felt this was an area the Lord wanted be to work on. I knew that the Lord would give me opportunities to demonstrate compassion. When these opportunities come I can either pass or fail. I struggle sometimes to always have positive thoughts about my mother-in-law. . . I feel like I have made some progress in this area but it wasn't until a few weeks ago that I felt what true compassion feels like.
It began the Sunday night of July 17th when my mother-in-law asked if I could help her with her shower. She wanted me to be there in case she became unsteady. It didn't take long for me to realize there was no way she could give herself a shower. I told her that I would shower her. She held onto the bars of the walker that was in the shower. As I showered my mother-in-law something changed in my heart. I began having a deeper love and respect for her. This love continued to increase as I became much more involved in her care. I believe for the first time in my life I was experiencing the "pure love of Christ." I felt like the Grinch who's heart "grew 10,000 times larger that day." Gone were any negative thoughts or frustrations relating to this precious woman. Tom and I could feel a spirit of love and peace in our home that is hard to describe, but we felt it. Somehow our home had become a sacred place. I recognize that the Lord had given me the ultimate opportunity to demonstrate compassion. Those two weeks before my mother-in-law's passing were mainly spent in taking care of her. Our mission and scripture study were not my focus. We began to have many visitors during the last week of her life. I didn't get anxious or stressed. I was literally strengthened by the Lord's grace.
Normally I would have been a nervous wreck having Vivian and Dan staying in our home for several days. I was calm and felt peace and an abundance of love during this time. I thanked the Lord for this amazing opportunity and blessing to be a care giver as one of his daughters prepared to pass through the veil. Now I know what true compassion feels like. I hope the change I have felt in me will be permanent.
My mother-in-law looked like an angel as her body lay in her casket. She had a slight smile on her face. She had gone home to be with her husband and two sons who were waiting for her with joyful anticipation. She is now young again.
The following are the written talks for her funeral from myself and her sister, Vivian:
Tom's Funeral Talk
The following verses from the Doctrine of Covenants describe the way that Jesus Christ progressed on this earth:
D&C 93:12 And I, John, saw that he received not of the fulness at the first, but received grace for grace; 13 And he received not of the fulness at first, but continued from grace to grace, until he received a fulness;
Jesus Christ came to this earth and showed us how to live. He was our example.
Now, let us take a quick overview of mom’s life and see how she followed that example:
My mother was raised in a house with contention and carried a negative self-image and insecurity throughout her life. At nineteen years of age, she married my father in the Salt Lake Temple. Even though her church activity was limited. She was good and pure. She often cited this as an example of a miracle in her life, one of the greatest graces that she had ever received. She learned from my father for almost 42 years as they unitedly raised seven sons and served diligently in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. They lived what they preached and mom flourished, grace to grace.
For almost 31 more years, after my father’s death, she became a strong matriarch of this family, the posterity now exceeding 200. During this time, she also served in many positions of responsibility in the Church, becoming a pillar of strength to others and to her family. Her progress continued to follow the example that the Savior had set.
During this time, her growth continued as she strived to do her very best.
- She became a family history expert, recording the information in Family Search for tens of thousands of her and her husband’s ancestors and their families. This also included serving 3 church service missions in the Family History library downtown. While Albert was teaching the gospel to those in spirit prison, she was able to make sure they could receive temple ordinances. Together, they were gathering Israel on both sides of the veil.
- She loved ministering to others in person or on the phone, always ready to listen and lift. As she passed, one friend, not of our faith, called her “her spiritual advisor”. Another neighbor called her “her very best friend”.
- She embraced the Come Follow Me emphasis in the Church as gospel study became a stronger focus in her life. She often told us that she was learning so many things that she had never understood before.
- She was faithful in every way in keeping all of the commandments of God. She would often say, “Albert wouldn’t do this”. She was loyal to his legacy.
As she has aged, these activities became more difficult for her, but she always wanted to contribute in every way and did her very best.
She has always wanted to die peacefully and quickly and has been anxious to return to be with her husband for many years. Three weeks ago, she suffered another attack of diverticulitis and began to lose her remaining mortal abilities. As she lost her ability to stand, she entered into hospice care. Eight days later she returned to be with her husband and other family members.
During those last two weeks, our home, and especially her room, had become a sacred place. I want to share a few experiences from this time. Two weeks ago, mom had a significant miracle in her life. As mom tried to describe it, Debbie wrote down the following in mom’s words. I have asked her to read it at this time. - Debbie :
“Wednesday morning, pre-dawn, I looked down and I felt the light you would see as though you were coming out of a cave into the light. The light seemed to have a spirit about it. As the light slowly grew brighter and brighter there seemed to be a mist. I felt an overpowering feeling of wonder and peace. I felt a higher level of love. I felt I could cope with my situation. As I was coming out of this experience, I felt an unexplainable peace that I’ve never felt before. I felt like I can now accept what is happening to me. I’ve always envied people who have had powerful spiritual experiences like this. Now I can say I’ve had my miracle.”
During this process she overcame her last weaknesses. She finally accepted the help of others graciously and with extreme gratitude. With this manifestation, by the grace of God, mom finally stopped being hard on herself. She felt total peace and no longer worried, something that she could never do on her own. I told her that she was now able to leave this mortal existence since she was now being nice to my mother.
The next day, Debbie and I independently had overwhelming experiences while performing initiatory ordinances in the temple as we pondered her losing her mortal abilities and understood that those promised blessings are eternal. God again revealed His goodness to us.
After this, many of her posterity and friends was able to visit with her, including her beloved sister from Seattle and her youngest son from California. In each visit she displayed a radiance and a smile that were heavenly. She had said all the good-byes that were needed.
On the Monday before she passed, mom used all of her energy to ask the hospice nurse “How Long?” The nurse joked “How Long until lunch?” Mom again said “How Long?”. Then the nurse said “How long until you meet Albert?” Mom immediately raised her left arm in a fist with more energy than we thought possible. She knew what she wanted.
In her last weeks of life, all went quick, with no pain and in total peace, exactly as Mom wanted.
Through her faithfulness and the loving grace of our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ, she was able to finish her journey in mortality, progressing and growing with faith, grace to grace. She was clearly ready.
At the end of the Book of Mormon, Moroni gives us these great words. As I read them please think of my mother as they describe her so well at the end of her mortal journey and His grace.
Moroni 10: 32 Yea, come unto Christ, and be perfected in him, and deny yourselves of all ungodliness; and if ye shall deny yourselves of all ungodliness, and love God with all your might, mind and strength, then is his grace sufficient for you, that by his grace ye may be perfect in Christ; and if by the grace of God ye are perfect in Christ, ye can in nowise deny the power of God. 33 And again, if ye by the grace of God are perfect in Christ, and deny not his power, then are ye sanctified in Christ by the grace of God, through the shedding of the blood of Christ, which is in the covenant of the Father unto the remission of your sins, that ye become holy, without spot.
Vivian's Tribute to her Sister
Goldia grew up as the oldest of three girls. Our sister, Jewel, was the middle child and I am the youngest. Goldia was seven years older than me. Because our mother worked outside the home and because Goldia was the oldest, she was given the responsibility of keeping an eye on Jewel and me. It was a responsibility she took on willingly and with much love.
As far back as I can remember, Goldia took care of me almost as if she were my mother rather than my sister. I remember when I was about seven, she took me to the Newhouse Hotel in downtown Salt Lake where a huge doll house was being displayed. The house had many rooms with beautiful furniture and electric lights, and running water. There was a Rock-a-bye baby tree, and a weeping willow tree in the yard that wept real tears. I was fascinated. But the best part of the whole experience was sharing such a wonderful time with my big sister – just me and her together, knowing that we really loved each other. She was only fourteen but she seemed very grown up to me.
She was always thoughtful of others and I remember her organizing what we called the “Helping Hands Club” with Judy and I and some of the other neighborhood children. At her prompting, we would try to find ways to do nice things for people in our neighborhood. At that time, there was an orphanage on 21st South run by Catholic nuns. It was October and Goldia suggested that rather than eating our Halloween candy ourselves, we could take it to the orphanage for the children there so the day after Halloween we did that. The nuns were very nice and gave us a tour to show us where the children slept and played. It was a wonderful experience and helped us to feel good inside. When I think of it, I always think of my sweet sister and how she always reached out to others.
When she was seventeen, she got a job at the S.H. Kress department store and while working there, gradually bought me some doll furniture, a few pieces at a time, as she could squeeze the money for them out of her small paycheck until I had furniture for a living room, dining room, kitchen, bathroom, and nursery. She also bought matching furniture for a school room with seats that moved up and down and little dolls that inhabited all of the above. It was a wonderful gift and one that was bought and given with totally unselfish sacrifice by a young girl who loved her little sister more than she loved herself. She was that loving and giving to everyone all her life.
Goldia was very talented. She had beautiful handwriting and won many awards in school for her penmanship. She crocheted many beautiful afghans, making sure that every one of her grandchildren received one. There is a counted cross stitch picture of a young woman on the display table in the foyer that she embroidered that is exquisite – a real work of art. She was the most organized person I’ve ever known – her journals and genealogy work and photo albums are precise and complete and full of tons of fully cataloged information. She has kept a journal since she was a very young girl and they are an incredible treasure that will bless our family forever.
She was also very honest. An entry from one of her many journals tells of an experience that she had when she was a little girl. She wrote, “One time I went into the O.P.Skaggs store to get warm before going home and there was a large 100 lb. bag of peanuts there and I helped myself to a couple and hid them in my glove. But all night my conscience was bothering me, so the next day I wrote a note saying I was sorry and enclosed a nickel to pay for the peanuts and my girl friend gave it to the storekeeper. The next day I forced myself to enter the store, but the manager told me never to return and I still can’t bring myself to enter that store.” Her effort to be honest had an unfortunate ending, but it didn’t change her lifelong effort to be honest and trustworthy.
Goldia was many things. She was grateful for the smallest favor and very gracious. My proudest memory of her was when her husband Albert died. The line of people who came to give their condolences was very long because he was much loved. Goldia went down the line and thanked every single person that came and she did it with such grace and poise and genuine appreciation. I thought my heart would burst – I was so proud of her.
She was devoted to her family. She loved her husband and was always at his side supporting him. She raised seven sons who grew up to be the finest of men because of her love and care. They stand tall with honor and integrity and she was so proud of them. Goldia was a huge influence on my life. She was such an example to me of what it means to be a Christlike woman. Proverbs 31:10 – 31 describes her to a T.
Proverbs 31:10
Who can find a virtuous woman? For her price is far above rubies. The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life. She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands. She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens. She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms. Her candle goeth not out by night. She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff. She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea she reacheth forth her hands to the needy. She is not afraid of the snow for her household; for all her household are clothed with scarlet. Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land. She maketh fine linen and selleth it: and she shall rejoice in time to come. She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness. She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness. Her children arise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her. Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excelleth them all.
I am so grateful that I was and am blessed to have such a wonderful sister. She has influenced my life in so many ways and she will continue to do so by the example she set for me. I am so grateful for the gift of the Atonement of Jesus Christ and the knowledge that because the Savior was willing to make such an incredible sacrifice for us all, I will have the opportunity to be with my beautiful sister again. I thank God for her every day. In the name of our Savior, Jesus Christ, Amen
On July 28, 2022, Goldia Mary Rueckert was reunited with her husband, Albert Adam Rueckert after being separated by death for 31 years. She passed away peacefully at her home in South Jordan, Utah surrounded by loved ones. Born in San Bernadino, CA on September 19, 1930, to Mary Caroline and Joe Miller, Goldia would grow up in the Salt Lake City area with her sisters Jewel (Don) and Vivian (Dale), attending South High School and then raising her own family in the Glendale neighborhood before spending her last seven years in South Jordan. She married Albert Rueckert November 2, 1949, in the Salt Lake Temple. She was the ultimate boy mom, raising seven of them, Andy (Debbie), Tom (Debbie), Mike (Kendra), Jim (Becky), Dave (Ann), Rob (Sarah), and Daniel (Eloana) without ever accomplishing her goal of having a red-headed daughter. As an adult, her family expanded to include step siblings, Carol Hermanson (Dean) and Paul Nesi (Colleen). She was an accomplished woman earning a college degree, working as a bookkeeper, serving in a variety of callings as a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints in her Cannon Ward and as a family history missionary. Goldia was committed to ministering to others with a listening ear and a kind smile. Furthermore, she excelled at being an amazing daughter, sister, wife, mother, grandmother of 52, great grandmother of 103, great great grandmother of 1 and friend to all. If success in life is measured by positive impact on others, Goldia was a very successful woman. From her prodigious posterity to her selfless service towards others, she has made this world a better place for those who have known her. She is preceded in death by Albert Rueckert (husband), Andy Rueckert (Son) and his wife Debbie, Mike Rueckert (Son), Jewel Vaubel (Sister) and three grandchildren. Funeral services will be held at 11:00 am Wednesday, August 3, 2022, at the River Ridge 8th Ward chapel at 1409 W. Shields Lane, South Jordan, Utah 84095. A viewing will be held the same morning from 10:00 – 10:45am. A prior viewing will be held on Tuesday, August 2, 2022 from 6:00 – 8:00 pm, at Jenkins-Soffe Funeral Homes & Cremation Center at 1007 W. South Jordan Parkway, South Jordan, Utah 84095. Interment will follow services at the Salt Lake City Cemetery.
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The following is a link to the mortuary web-site for mom and includes access to the recorded funeral for the next year:
As we began our study of the Psalms shortly after we completed the funeral, we were challenged to write our own Psalm. As the power of heaven has been opened to my view in the recent passing of my mother, I chose to write a Psalm about this experience.
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